I have an opportunity. And I’m not jumping for it. Am I stupid?
Hello and welcome to today’s little bit of transparency. First, for all you new people: I got laid off a little over a month ago, after fifteen years of dedicated (or is that committed?) service to a rather large company and as I sit here in my chair wondering what to do next, I’m writing out these little missives on life, the universe and everything, at least from the perspective of a guy who pretty much zombiewalked through life up until this point.
Caught up? OK good. So where was I.
Ah yes. Job going bye-bye and no prospects yet, apart from my good looks and rapier wit. And yet – the place I soon am to once have worked at is not exactly without opportunities internally. In fact, I was treated to this email recently:
“Due to the large number of open roles in Information Services, the IS community will be hosting three sessions for hiring managers to promote their job openings and connect with interest [sic] parties.”
Now THAT is a hilarious invite to receive when you’ve just been shitcanned and that’s part of my point. See, I got some karma and probably I could worm my way into something internally. But that guy up there – Buddy Revell – just keeps glaring at me.
“You’re the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen in my life. Didn’t even try. How’s that feel?”
Right? Three O’Clock High. Masterpiece if you’ve never seen it, also nifty score by Tangerine Dream but I digress.
Point is this. If I go for something internally, I’ll never know what I could have done out there. Then again, am I stupid for doing that? Then again, I’m sitting here just assuming I could get something internally, as if they’d just hand it over and that’s far from certain, as is everything else in this life (apart from the global COVID19 pandemic but again I digress) and that is why I sit here just not quite knowing what to do.
Life is a many textured surface. We humans are justifiers of the highest order, and I know that whatever choice I make, whether I hold out and just let my time run out here and take my severance, and my chances, in the real world, or whether I put my tail between my legs and try something internally, or describe that in a much more salutory way, I know as a justifier, I’ll be able to justify my decision. My kid needs medicine. My mortgage needs to be paid. Baby needs a new pair of shoes.
I’m not sure what I’m saying here. But I can tell you that a week ago that this opportunity was not on the table and now it is, and another opportunity I had that I thought was in the bag is now also off the table and probably never was, but the bag was in my head nonetheless.
Ah it doesn’t matter, does it? Why should I throw away fifteen years of karma and hard work when I could use it to keep my current intangible benefits and –
…oh there I go again justifying.
I think I’ll take the rest of the day off from thinking about this and just introspect. Dive deep in my mind, find some little gelatinous snailfish and hang around with them for a while before returning to the surface to dissolve.
Later!
